Step 6: Come Out of Hiding February 29, 2008

From the Steps to Learning How to Fly series.

When I woke up this morning, the world was covered in a blanket of fog. I love mornings like this, when it looks like I’m all alone on top of the hill and there’s nothing past the edge of my balcony. As the morning progresses the fog lifts and ultimately burns off, revealing the beauty of the world it was hiding from me earlier. While the fog is beautiful in its own right, what lies beneath contains a much deeper, more vibrant beauty. Very appropriate, then, that today I get to talk about coming out of hiding and unleashing your inner beauty that is begging to be revealed.

Whether you are aware of its presence of not, each of us has something special, something unique to share with the world. As children, we often learn that being different is a bad thing, and yearn to be just like everyone else. We ask our parents to dress us in the same clothes the other kids are wearing, enroll us in the same activities our friends are engaged in, watch the same TV shows and movies, play the same games, eat the same foods. Even when we rebel we tend to do in along some socially acceptable guidelines, just falling into another clique with its own rules for how to fit in. As adults, this same idea shows up in the kinds of work we do, the places we live, the cars we drive. This conformity is all outwardly focused as we worry about how other people view us, looking for external accolades to make us feel like we’re really doing okay.

Your uniqueness, your specialness often gets hidden away in all of this, which is somewhat ironic considering the surest way to really feel like you’re doing okay is uncover your gifts and share them with the world. There are quite a few forces at play here–need for approval, discomfort with vulnerability, lack of belief in yourself, fear of commitment, of making a mistake. I know for me that the process of eliminating these issues is ongoing and somewhat circular–the more I learn about myself and the world I live in, the more what I know to be true really sinks in, the more I can release these issues and allow the real me to come out and play. For me coming out of hiding is a practice, like meditation, that I make a priority every day, with three primary pieces to it:

1. There’s no such thing as a mistake. I don’t know where I first got the idea that mistakes were something to be avoided like the plague, especially since now I recognize there really is no such thing. When I look back over my life I know now that I would not choose to have anything play out differently, because each moment in time makes me who I am today. The relationships that turned sour, the jobs that didn’t lead where I’d hoped they would–I learned so much from each of them, knowledge I get to use now as my life unfolds in the direction of my dreams.

The natural extension of this is that there is no such thing as failure. The world’s most successful people are also the world’s biggest failures in the sense that they have explored many different avenues in life until they found the one (or the many) that worked for them. Without that experimentation, those supposed mistakes and failures, they would not have discovered where their true talents lay, where their success would be. The lesson I take away from all this is that I need to explore more, try more, put myself out there as much as I can. Not everything I attempt will result in success, but that’s okay–I know to keep learning, keep trying new things, keep exploring until I find what works, and then explore some more in order to expand that success into new realms.

2. What you think of me is none of your business. There are days where I need to write this in foot-tall letters and display it prominently around me. The gist here is that we do not need external approval. Seeking the approval of other people means you’re living someone else’s life, not your own. The point is to discover what makes you happy and then do it. If people want to approve or disapprove, that’s their prerogative. Trust me, even when you’re doing things that impress those people whose approval you’re seeking, they often find ways to disapprove anyway. How they feel is about just that–how THEY feel and what’s up for them right now–it really doesn’t have anything to do with you.

Harold Whitman offers me better inspiration: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” I try to ask myself this question everyday–what makes me come alive? Some of my answers so far: loving my friends and family, myself, my world; connecting with people, with Source; dancing (with and without music); learning new things; living consciously; making a difference in other people’s lives, in the world; creating just about anything; being in nature; and, perhaps most of all, laughing.

3. Will the real me please stand up? One of my daily goals is to allow the real me to stand up and announce its presence with authority. In fact, that was the first sentence I wrote when I was putting together my initial notes for this topic–this idea just speaks to me in such a huge way right now. The persona I developed as a child was shy, with very few opinions of her own, a follower. I was somewhat surprised to discover that my natural state, although always open to learning new things, was to be very clear on how I feel about things, to be a teacher and a leader, and while I am introverted in the sense that I get my energy through my time alone, I love to meet new people, to spend time with my friends and family, to share and connect.

I’ve learned to stop labeling myself, to stop trying to pigeonhole myself, to allow myself just to be who I am with all of my quirks and differences, and I’m learning to apply that concept to others as well. What I’m still working on is integrating all of the different parts of me into one cohesive whole, and then showing up as simply myself when I go out into the world. I am spiritual, I am playful, I am peaceful, I am powerful. The more I show up like this, the more clarity I have about my choices, and the more the universe seems to open up, provide me with the answers I’m looking for, and say “Yes, please!”

What parts of yourself have you been hiding from the rest of the world? What gifts do you have that are still waiting to be shared? In what ways are you not showing up authentically? What seeds are you ready to plant today, and what is ready to blossom inside you? What makes you truly come alive? Start asking yourself these questions and others like them today. Begin the process of exploring, of experimenting, and come back and let us know what you’ve learned!

Recommended Reading:
The Holy Man, by Susan Trott
Letters to a Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by M.D. Herbert Norton
Risking Everything: 110 Poems of Love and Revelation, edited by Roger Housden
What Should I Do with My Life?, by Po Bronson

Photo: Coming out blues, Originally uploaded by Jurek Durczak

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Step 5: Trust Your Intuition February 28, 2008

From the Steps to Learning How to Fly series.

Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. Every moment is the guru.
~Joko Beck

Have you ever had a feeling or a hunch about something that you just couldn’t rationalize? Did it end up being right on the money? For the longest time I dismissed those feelings, using my reasoning and rationalization skills to either come to the same conclusion or the opposite one depending on what I wanted to see. If I had learned earlier to trust those feelings, I would have saved myself considerable anguish in my life, but apparently it was a lesson I needed to learn the long way.

What I know now is that the universe and my inner wisdom are speaking to me all the time. When I pay attention to these messages, things fall into place with such ease I’m in awe. When I don’t pay attention or ignore these messages, things have a way of getting messy and tangled. So what’s the trick to getting in touch with your intuition? The good news is we’ve already talked about the two things I think are most important to pave the way: clearing the slate and conscious connection. When you reduce the distractions in your life and take the time to be still and listen each day, you are building the muscles needed in order to discern which of those voices in your head is your intuition.

As the quote above suggests, messages show up in a myriad of ways, and they are always coming to us. Sometimes an idea will just pop into your head, other times a book will fall off a shelf. Perhaps you turn on the radio and the lyrics to the song playing are the answer to a question that’s been bugging you, or you get an email from a friend telling you about how they just solved a problem you’ve been struggling with. Or it might be that you run out of gas in front of a building with a mural painted on the side, and the words in the mural are exactly what you needed to be reminded of. Once you begin to pay attention, you will see these kinds of messages everywhere!

You can consciously cultivate this process by doing things like using an oracle card deck or playing “book roulette”–play around with these ideas until you find a method that feels good to you. There are hundreds of oracle card decks on the market these days from a wide variety of authors and artists. My current favorites are angel cards by Doreen Virtue, which I discovered on a retreat to Sedona I went on last fall. One of my friends had a deck that she used each day, pulling out a card and reading its message. By the end of the retreat, the whole group was doing it. I had never been into angels previously myself, but these cards are beautifully designed and the readings to go with them are simple and metaphysical, and almost always exactly what I need to hear. “Book roulette” will work with just about any book, but I would recommend using one that you find to be especially wise. Some people like to use the Bible, others use The Science of Mind, by Ernest Holmes, known as “the textbook” to many Religious Scientists. I’ve had great luck with Sufi poetry–my favorites are Hafiz and Rumi. And my guess is Eat, Pray, Love would work wonderfully for me as well. Once you have a book in hand, formulate a question and then open the book at random. Start reading wherever your eyes fall on the page or use your finger to point at a passage.

Fear is also a wonderful route to getting in touch with your intuition, even if that doesn’t sound especially intuitive. The voice of fear is almost always telling you what you need to do in order to stay small, to stay exactly where you are and avoid changing and growing. I’ve learned that because of this, if I do what it is telling me NOT to do, I open myself up for great discoveries, or at the very least the opportunity to neutralize an old pattern. It can be as small as picking up the phone to call someone or as big as quitting your job. Last year, I spent a lot of time trying to “figure out” what I should do about my work. I got the message to leave my job over and over and over again, but I rationalized it away, saying that was just wishful thinking. The voice of fear kept reminding me that I needed a job for a million reasons, from money to having a hole in my resume to “what would people think?” The day I decided to give my notice it was like the dark cloud over my head lifted and the sun came out and I was light as a feather and filled with joy. It resonating so deeply within me that I finally recognized which voice was which and knew that it was the right thing for me to do.

Now that you’re ready to listen to your intuition, to those messages the universe is sending you, to the wisdom that lies within you, the next step is to learn to trust it enough to follow where it leads. Trust is a muscle, just like anything else, and it has to be built. Start with something that feels small, that feels like you have nothing to lose, like what to have for dinner tonight or what to wear to work tomorrow. Feel the difference between doing the thing your intuition tells you to do and ignoring it. For me anyway, once I started paying attention to what was resonating versus what wasn’t, it was easy for me to trust. It definitely feels better! As Nike says, Just do it–you’ll thank yourself later.

Recommended Reading:
Developing Intuition, by Shakti Gawain
The Gift, by Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky
Healing with the Angels Oracle Cards, by Doreen Virtue
The Psychic Pathway, by Sonia Choquette
The Soul of Rumi, by Jalal Al-Din Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks
Trust Your Vibes, by Sonia Choquette

Photo: labyrinth–avila beach, Originally uploaded by Moon Rhythm

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Step 4: Connect Consciously February 28, 2008

From the Steps to Learning How to Fly series.

The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, swelling in the present moment and feeling truly alive.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

I don’t know about you, but I am a busy person. If you have ever tried to make a plan with me, you know how true this is. I have a wide variety of interests and I generally like to be doing things, whether it’s going for a hike or hanging out with friends or reorganizing a closet. Even without working full-time right now, I get myself so busy some days I feel like my head is going to spin on my shoulders. My saving grace? My meditation practice.

The word “meditation” has a lot of expectation tied up in it. There are schools of thought out there that follow pretty specific guidelines–that’s not (exclusively) what I’m talking about here. Whether you call it meditation, or sitting, or being still, the point is to take time each day to stop doing and to practice being. Guided meditation, walking meditation, silent meditation, or even just watching the waves crash on the beach–whatever works for you, this is what I mean by meditation.

So how does something that requires more time get fit into a busy life? I know one of the first places of resistance that I go to is, “But I just don’t have the time.” The truth is, you don’t have to meditate for a long period of time to feel its benefits. While my goal is to meditate at least 30 minutes each day, the minimum commitment I make to myself is 15 minutes. Still sound like too much? Then start with 10 minutes, or even 5. The amount of time is less important than the commitment, the practice.

August Gold recommends a daily morning practice she calls 5-5-5: five minutes of reading, five minutes of writing, five minutes of sitting. If you have more time, then expand each section to fill it–currently, I’m at roughly 30-30-30. All three pieces come into play as part of the larger concept of connecting consciously to Source–or God, or the Universe, or Infinite Intelligence, or whatever you like to call the Oneness, the omnipresence that is back of all creation–and your intuition, that internal wisdom that is there to provide you with guidance. Doing five minutes of each activity should fit into even the busiest schedule, and each has its own benefit. Plus, starting your day with such a self-nurturing connection enables the rest of your day to flow that much more smoothly and gracefully.

The benefits to conscious connection are probably too large to enumerate here, but let me just start with the basics to whet your appetite–I assure you, the longer you engage in this practice, the more advantages you will become aware of.

Reading: For many of us, reading an eye-opening book was the gateway to the journey we find ourselves on today. Once you’ve read enough, you start to truly understand that there’s nothing new under the sun, however each new approach, each new turn of phrase, each new perspective opens you up to a deeper understanding than you held before. I can’t tell you how many Aha! moments I have had where in trying to explain it to someone else I realized it was something I already knew quite well, but there was just something about this new way of thinking about it that made me really *get* it. Incorporating reading, even for just five minutes, into your morning practice gives you the gift of fresh inspiration to apply to whatever crosses your path that day.

Writing: The idea of daily writing calls to mind the countless diaries I filled as a kid about what I had done that day or which boy I liked or why I was mad at my mom. And while getting that detritus out of your system through writing is one of the benefits of this practice, once you’ve been doing this for a while you begin to access your inner wisdom in a new way. I’ve gotten to the point where I can just write a question and keep writing and the answer pours out of my pen. I receive nearly daily guidance in this manner about everything from reminders to call a relative for their birthday to what kinds of release rituals I’m due for to what to write about on Learning to Fly to what to make for dinner. For me, it started small, but the more I began to trust it and to follow its guidance, the more avenues it opened up for me.

Sitting: As we’ve already touched on, this practice is about getting still, about just being. It is how you begin to cultivate a sense of which of those voices in your head is the voice of fear and which is the voice of intuition, that still small voice within that holds the answers you seek. Sometimes, your mind is just chatty chatty chatty, and other times you can get to a place of quiet, but either way it all adds up. The effects may be subtle at first–you might feel a little more energized, or you might feel more intuitive, or you might feel more aware of what’s happening around you. It’s another muscle to be built, your meditation muscle, and over time as you build that muscle the effects become clearer and clearer. For me, as I touched on in my “Ah, meditation” post, it increases my awareness on many levels, leaving me feeling like I am communing with all of creation long after I open my eyes and begin to dive into my day. I am more in touch with my intuition, enabling me to be aware of what it is I need but also opening me up to seeing what is happening with those around me. It leaves me with a sense of calm and the ability to focus on things one at a time, to be mindful of what I’m doing in such a way that makes me more efficient and engaged. When I meditate regularly, I am simply MORE–more appreciative, more aware, more open, more intuitive, more focused, more peaceful.

The last piece of conscious connection is getting clear on what it is you want for your life and setting your intention. This concept is somewhat woven into each of the steps in this series as part of the circular nature of this path, so let’s revisit it fully on its own in the near future. In the meantime, I hope I have at least piqued your curiosity. If you should choose to incorporate a morning practice into your daily routine, please let me know how it goes. And hey, let me know what you think are the most important things that I have missed!

Recommended Listening:
Awakening Kundalini, by Kelly Howell
Retrieve Your Destiny, by Kelly Howell
Soul Stretch, by Caroline Reynolds
Tibetan Singing Bowl: Music for Deep Meditation

Recommend Reading:
Meditation, by Eknath Eswaran
The Power of Intention, by Wayne Dyer
The Prayer Chest, By August Gold and Joel Fotinos
Tao te Ching, by Lao Tzu, translated by Jonathan Star
The Universe Is Calling, by Eric Butterworth

Photo: Day 3/366…..Fire, Wood & Stone, Originally uploaded by LD Cross

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